A Clean, Safe Distance

A cleaner, safer distance?
That’s what you said you want.
Why?
There’s too much distance already.
Just when I wanted to get close
You back off.
And call it clean, safe.
Safe?
Maybe if you’re afraid you’ll get hurt
When you open your soul,
Your heart,
Your mind.
Afraid I’ll take them
And trample them,
Ripping the fabric
And burning them
Under the painful flame
Of love.
And clean?
How can you keep a love clean?
Only by having no relationship
At all.
Only if you take what we have
And turn it into a callous
“Hello”-“Goodbye.”
Well,
I don’t want
A clean, safe distance,
I want dirty,
Smudged,
Unstable
Closeness
Where we share our wounds
And heal them together,
And clean each other’s grime.
Dirty, painful closeness.
That’s what I want.